


righteous

by fourhorsemen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angel Dean, Flustered Dean, Human Castiel, Hunter Castiel, Implied Bottom Dean, Insecure Castiel, M/M, Reverse 'Verse, Virgin Dean, always-a-hunter!Castiel, always-an-angel!Dean, reverse!verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-17
Updated: 2014-06-17
Packaged: 2018-02-05 01:29:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1800454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fourhorsemen/pseuds/fourhorsemen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reverse!verse as in Dean is the angel and Castiel is the Righteous Man, and always have been since the start of canon. </p><p>"Love? This was not love, this was sin."</p>
            </blockquote>





	righteous

"C-Cas?" he hears a timid voice speak.

Castiel looks up to see Dean at the foot of his bed, looking flushed and bewildered and staring right at him.  


Castiel frowned. The angel didn't sound like himself.  
  
"Dean? What are you doing here?" Castiel asks.  
  
"You... you prayed?" Dean says and he sounds so lost and nervous, his words more of a question than a statement that Castiel startles. He stares at Dean, taking in his disheveled appearance and wild eyes. Castiel feels a burst of panic and suddenly he feels choked. Something has happened. Castiel has never heard Dean - who is always so sure, so cocky, sarcastic to the point of blasphemy - sound so utterly out of his depth.   
  
"No... I did not," Castiel says slowly, looking at Dean cautiously. Dean looks at him almost beseechingly, breathing hard, almost panting and Castiel feels even more apprehensive. He swings his legs off the bed and stands up to move towards Dean but stills when Dean jerks back like a skittering deer. Castiel feels ice cold dread wrap around his heart and his fingers shake minutely. Something has most definitely happened.   
  
"Dean, are you alright?" Castiel asks concernedly and Dean looks at him incredulously. Castiel's breath leaves him in a relieved rush. Now there's an expression he knows and expects to see on the angel's face. Then, Dean's incredulous expression is gone as fast as it came and he looks scared and Castiel stiffens because Dean has never looked scared. Not once has Dean shown a single sign of fear for as long as Castiel has known him. Not when he had been called to Heaven for disobedience, not when the Seals had started breaking ever faster and his brothers and sisters of the Host dying, not even when he had told Castiel to go, stop Gabriel before it was too late and that'd he'd deal with the archangels no matter what it took. Not even when Lucifer had risen.   
  
All this time, Dean had never been anything but reckless and determined. Perhaps the only time Castiel had seen the angel look so confused, so lost was when he had found that God had abandoned them and it chilled Castiel to the bone to think of what could have brought such an expression to Dean's face.   
  
"I- no..." Dean mutters tentatively, slowly and looks at Castiel imploringly.

He is willing him to understand something but Castiel cannot think of what. The panic is replaced by confusion and Castiel stares at Dean unmoving.  
  
"What's wrong?" Castiel asks worriedly and Dean stares at him almost in shock. Castiel can feel his own lips beginning to tug down in a frustrated and baffled frown. He doesn't understand what it is Dean expects him to know. Angels can be frustrating at times but this was ridiculous. Castiel tried not to let this anger him; he was to help Dean - it was clear the angel had something on his mind.   
  
Dean spent a long moment looking at him and still not looking any calmer than before.   
  
"Nothing," Dean mumbled weakly and Castiel nearly growled in his ire.

Dean had mumbled. Dean never mumbled, Dean was always assertive to the point of rudeness and yet he expected Castiel to believe nothing was wrong?   
  
"I don't believe it is nothing," Castiel said lowly and looked at Dean sharply. Dean looked even more flustered, his hands twitching by his side and then fidgeting with the sleeve of his leather jacket. Castiel zeroed in on the movement in alarm. He would find out what was making Dean act so out of character if it was the last thing he did. Castiel moved towards Dean and Dean froze, wide-eyed and staring at Castiel like a deer in the headlights. Castiel supressed his growing frown and moved forward slower - he didn't want to spook Dean... as crazy a thought as it was. Dean was no shy woodland creature; he was a super-powered angel. Castiel grew more worried by the minute.

"Dean," he said quietly and looked at Dean meaningfully. Dean did not break their gaze, almost like he was locked in place by sheer nervousness and Castiel couldn't take it anymore. He had never been a man known for his patience. He moved forward much faster than before, arrived at Dean's side in two strides but to his shock Dean leaped backwards. He crashed into the door of the motel room and breathed harshly. Castiel reached a hand out to him in confusion and Dean raised his own in a clearly defensive 'stop' gesture. Castiel tried not to be hurt - he absolutely refused to be hurt and thus acknowledge his less than platonic feelings for Dean.   
  
They stared at each other silently again and Dean slowly lowered his hand. He straightened his posture, no longer slumped against the door but with his back still pressed flush against it. Dean cleared his throat, a very human gesture and finally broke their gaze to look at the ground.  
  
"You prayed to me," he muttered more assuredly but still did not look up at Castiel.   
  
"I did not," Castiel answered, narrowing his eyes and tilting his head in confusion even if Dean could not see it with how hard the angel was staring at the ground.   
  
"You did!" Dean said indignantly and suddenly looked up at Castiel. Castiel would have again been relieved at the familiar tone of voice if it weren't for how he looked utterly disorientated. 

"I did not, Dean," Castiel argued and Dean's jaw clenched in annoyance. Castiel did not let himself be relieved this time because it seemed it would not last very long.   
  
"Cas- I heard your thoughts, they were- they were about me," Dean stuttered and looked at Castiel pleadingly - willing him to understand. Castiel froze. No, it could not be. He had not said Dean's name out loud but the angel had said he heard his _thoughts_. He felt the old panic bubbling up to the surface again, but this time not for Dean but for himself.   
  
"I was not thinking of you," Castiel said nonchallantly. He tried to play it off as a mistake on Dean's part and Dean turned those pleading and now slightly hurt eyes on him again. Guilt consumed Castiel and he fisted his hands and dug his fingernails into his palm to ground himself.   
  
"You were!" Dean insisted and frantically tried to meet his gaze.  
  
"I was not," Castiel denied; his voice was steely but he could not look Dean in the eye.   
  
"You want me," Dean said and his voice cracked. Castiel stiffened and closed his eyes.  
  
"I do not know what you mean," he said and Dean snapped - anger Castiel was all too familiar with colouring his tone.   
  
"Yes you do! You've thought of me! In your bed, under you- _I hear your thoughts Castiel!_ " he said desperated and Castiel choked up in his panic and guilt. He went on the defensive, as he was wont to do and as he had frequently done with Gabriel to avoid emotional conversations at all costs.   
  
"Then you should not be bothered by it. You are well versed in sexual matters," Castiel said, offhand but even to him it sounded stilted with guilt and anger at both himself and Dean for questioning him about something this shameful.   
  
"I- I'm not," Dean whispered and Castiel's head snapped up to look at Dean so fast he went dizzy.   
  
"You joke of sexual matters all the time," Castiel said. He was floundering for some sort of defense - something to hide behind. It should never have come to this.   
  
"Those are just that. Jokes!" Dean exclaims helplessly and Castiel feels more guilt than he ever has before for putting Dean in this situation. It was better, much better when he knew the man as the confident, humorous and downright rude angel that could not be perturbed by anything. Angel, Castiel remembered. Somewhere along the line - due to Dean's behaviour and their companionship Castiel had convinced himself that Dean was human... or as good as.   
  
He was not. Castiel was ashamed that he could ever forget the man in front of him was an angel of the lord no matter how human he looked and acted. Now, Castiel was faced by the side of Dean that was truly angel. The angel side that had never really felt human emotions, not as intensely; not even when he had started to fall. And it hurt Castiel that Dean looked more scared now than he had when he realized he'd been falling. That it was Castiel and his sinful thoughts that put that uncertainty on Dean's face. He had corrupted a creature of the light. He was no Righteous Man, Castiel thought bitterly.   
  
"I'm sorry," Castiel rasped and he closed his eyes. He swallowed past the guilt choking him up and clenched his fists. He did not deserve to be saved and now even Dean understood that. Dean who had rebelled for him, who had done so much in hopes that Castiel would be good enough and strong enough to save them all. Dean who had believed in Castiel's righteousness when he himself did not. Well, Dean was wrong.  
  
"No Cas, you- _don't punish yourself_ ," Dean growled. He almost sounded like himself again and Castiel deluded himself into thinking this conversation had never happened and met his eyes again. Dean's gaze was hard and Castiel felt wretched that he has somehow corrupted this pure, untouched angel so much that Dean  _still_  believed in him. Even after all the thoughts he had entertained of him.

Suddenly, Castiel was livid and this time he did nothing to suppress it. He strode forward, eyes blazing and backed Dean against the door. Dean made a slightly helpless sound and pressed himself against the door, trying to get away from Cas and that _stung_. Backed away like Castiel would force himself on Dean, rape him - an angel of the lord.  
  
"Why do you continue to believe in me?" he snarled and shoved Dean punishingly. Dean's arms came up to shield him and Castiel seized them. He pinned them to the door on either side of Dean's face. He crowded in even closer and felt a dark satisfaction when Dean's eyes widened even further and the angel gasped shallowly.   
  
"Why do you think me righteous when you have _heard my thoughts_? Heard all the things I want to do to you- throw you onto a bed and ravish you - _bury myself inside of you_ ," he growled and moved so close that not an inch of space was left between them. Moved so close that Dean could feel Castiel pressed hard against his thigh and Dean would leave him. Leave him before Castiel broke him and tainted him like he tainted everything he loved with darkness and pain.   
  
Love? This was not love, this was sin.   
  
"Because I want it too," Dean said. Desperate and helpless and trapped against a wall by Castiel - a mere human - when he could be smiting Castiel and throwing him back where he belonged. And it was then that Castiel noticed Dean's dilated eyes, the green of his irises swallowed by black and heat pressing unerringly against Castiel's own thigh.   
  
"I want you to. I want you to do all those things and I don't know why Cas because angels don't _feel_ ," Dean said and that was when Castiel finally understood Dean's fear, the timidity and near terror he had been displaying ever since he showed up in the room. It was because Dean had never had cause to feel anything for anyone before, never felt anything as intensely as a human at all - let alone for someone else. He had fallen, he had truly fallen and it was all because of Castiel.   
  
And yet, Castiel couldn't help but remember all the times Dean had teased him about his love life (or lack thereof), had flirted with women while Castiel watched him jealously and covetously. And then Castiel was furious again because anger was the easiest thing to feel.   
  
"And all your flirting, your smirks and winks and 'experience' - they were all a lie? A front?" Castiel spat and Dean gasped angrily and shoved against Castiel. Shoved like a human, barely moving Castiel when he could have used his remaining angelic strength to fling Castiel across the room.   
  
"What was I supposed to say huh? 'Hey Cas, I'm a virgin angel - hope ya don't mind!'" Dean said furiously, glaring heatedly at him and Castiel lost all his anger in a cold rush.   
  
"You're- you're a virgin?" Castiel asked, lost and perplexed beyond belief. This went against everything he thought he knew about Dean. What else had the angel lied to him about?   
  
"No Cas, I'm only hyperventilating because I don't like dick," Dean said sarcastically and all the wind flew out of Castiel's sails. He loosened his grip on Dean's wrists and then removed his hands entirely. Dean rubbed his wrists and glared at Castiel but he was clearly still on edge. Castiel grasped blindly for something to say.  
  
"Do you? Like dick?" he inquired hesistantly. Dean looked at him disbelievingly but the nervous look returned to his eyes when he realized Castiel was serious.  
  
"What if I... did?" he asked in return and Castiel nearly groaned in hopeless uncertainty because that was no answer and Castiel had surely had enough emotional turmoil today.  
  
"Please do not answer questions with questions," he sighed and Dean crossed his arms over his chest irritably.   
  
"Yeah, yeah I do," Dean conceded and looked away almost immediately.  
  
"You said you... wanted it. Me... To do-" Castiel clammed up and looked down. He could not continue. It was one thing to admit his desires in a fit of misplaced anger and quite another to talk about it casually with the object of his affections. He heard Dean breath in slowly, then a hand was gripping Castiel's chin and raising it till he met Dean's gaze. Dean looked at him for a long moment and Castiel tried not to jerk in surprise when he saw the uncharacteristic blush spread over Dean's cheeks.  
  
"Yeah... I do- but Cas, I've never- you know I've never," Dean babbled and if that wasn't disconcerting then Castiel didn't know what was. All the confidence Dean exuded in matters of the flesh - it was all a mask. Castiel did not doubt Dean's confidence in other matters - in helping the Novak brothers end the apocalypse and the surety with which he wielded his angel blade. That Castiel would never be able to doubt. He would never be able to doubt Dean.   
  
Yet, it stung to think Dean chose to hide this from him, hide his vulnerabilities when he had seen Castiel's every flaw and fear. It seemed unfair... but when was life ever fair?   
  
When Castiel didn't reply, caught up in his thoughts, Dean continued to speak.   
  
"Angels don't _love_ Cas. They don't feel. It's a weakness. It's not in our programming to show weakness," he explained frantically, both fighting his own emotions and wanting Castiel to understand why he hadn't be honest with him before. Castiel understood. For the first time he understood that like any other creature, hiding weakness was a survival instinct even for angels. Yet that was not what stood out to him.   
  
"You love me?" he asked and looked at Dean in wonderment. Dean froze mid-gesture, went absolutely rigid like Castiel had seen many of his more angelic brethren hold their borrowed human bodies instead of the natural slump of humans that came so easily to Dean. Castiel wondered if it was because Dean let his human host have some semblance of control or learned how to be human over time. Castiel wondered a lot of things but that question was for another time.  
  
"I never said that," Dean blustered and his hands dropped weakly to his sides. He pressed himself to the door again and looked a moment away from flying away. Dean didn't and again Castiel wondered why it was that Dean hadn't left when he could do so at a moment's notice. Why he had let Castiel crowd him against a wall, snarl at him and practically threaten him when he had more power at his disposal than any supernatural creature Castiel had the misfortune to face.   
  
Suddenly, a horrifying thought occurred to Castiel. What if Dean had fallen? Truly _fallen_ because of his rebellion, the things Castiel had made him feel and forced him to acknowledge. Castiel felt sick and bile rose in his throat. This was all his fault - it was _always_ his fault.   
  
"Cas?" Dean said warily and Castiel looked at him brokenly, guilt stealing the air in his lungs - making him feel weak and helpless. His hands shook and his skin was cold and clammy. Goosebumps prickled all over his arms.   
  
"Dean... have you _fallen_?" Castiel asked, distraught and Dean made a shocked, horrified sound.  
  
"What?! No! What the hell makes you think that?" he said, shaken up and agitated. Castiel looked at him in sad confusion. His guilt was a palpable emotion now.   
  
"All this time, you did not once resist me - or make an attempt to, you could have left at any time and yet you did not. Not even when I forced you against the wall. You have the power to and yet you did not... Why?" Castiel asked in distress. He did not understand. If Dean had not fallen what other explanation could there be? No angel would tolerate Castiel's aggression and presumptuousness - not even Dean.   
  
Dean was quiet, quiet for a long time - so long a time that Castiel began to think he had been lying and that he had indeed fallen.   
  
"You asked me if I loved you. I-" Dean broke off and swallowed convulsively.

"I do." Dean admitted quietly. He looked away from Castiel but was gradually gaining to the courage to face him.

Castiel stared him uncomprehendingly. It could not be. There was nothing to love about Castiel - nothing at all.

"I do love you even though I don't know what that feels like. It's one thing to love all humans as God's creations and another entirely to just love one person. As far as I know, being in love is a good enough reason not to resist you, Cas. To _believe_ in you. You're good, Cas you always have been," Dean said and Castiel shook his head in vehemence. He would not hear Dean lie like this - hear him be deluded about who Castiel _was_ \- but Dean just raised a hand, looking at him sharply and daring him to interrupt.  
  
"Thinking about me like that doesn't make you _bad_ , loving me isn't a _sin_ ," Dean said incredulously but then caught himself. 

"If- if you love me too, I mean," Dean stumbled over his words, his eyes widened and he almost instantly looked away again.

Castiel watched Dean gulp, close his eyes as if awaiting rejection and looked on in awe.   
  
How could a creature such as he doubt his own brilliance? Doubt that he could be loved? How could he love Castiel enough, accept him despite his faults and the horrors he had committed and still not think Castiel would love him back? Still believe that Castiel was good? He was anything but good.   
  
"Do- do you love me, Cas?" Dean asked and squeezed his eyes shut as if it pained him to do so. Castiel took a long time to reply, just looking at Dean. Looking at the angel in front of him that was unlike any other. An angel that loved and laughed. One that refused to engage in 'chick flick moments' and yet had just outright admitted his feelings for Castiel. And still did not expect Castiel to feel the same. It was then that Castiel made a decision.   
  
"I do love you, but I do not deserve your love in return," Castiel said resolutely.   
  
"No!" Dean yelled angrily and Castiel jumped when Dean gripped the collar of Castiel's shirt, holding him tight and pulling him forward, forcing him to look at Dean and press himself against him once more. Except this time it was clearly Dean who was in control.   
  
"You don't get to fucking decide whether or not you 'deserve my love'," he said and grimaced slightly. Castiel got the impression he would have winced at how sickening the words sounded out loud. Castiel would have laughed if it weren't for the death grip Dean had on his shirt, his fists bunched against Castiel's collarbones.   
  
"I'm not going to listen to you _pity_   _yourself_  after I was man enough to admit what I felt for you," he spat and stared at him unblinkingly. His green eyes were fiery, blazing with fury and wrath and Castiel could not look away.   
  
"Then what would you have me do?" Castiel whispered and drank in the sight of Dean's face. More emotion than the angel had ever dared to display covered it. His freckles were stark against the flush in his cheeks and his green eyes wide and dark with anger and slight apprehension. His lips were glistening and red, pulled down in a snarling frown and inches from Castiel's own that were no doubt slack in astonishment.   
  
"Kiss me," Dean said and his voice crackled with emotion. Still waiting. He was still waiting for Castiel to make the first move, to decide - never taking and always giving. Castiel wished for once that Dean would take - take what he wanted instead of always giving and giving even when he had nothing left to give. Castiel wished that Dean would not make him feel this way, would give him one reason - one single reason to hate the angel and deny him what he asked. But those were just wishes and there was not one reason Castiel could think of that could stop him from kissing Dean.   
  
So he did.

 

**Author's Note:**

> More than a little OOC Dean. This can be attributed to the role reversal.


End file.
